Kurosawa and Yukari: Partners in Crime
by OXYCODONEFROG
Summary: Take one gym teacher and one English teacher and force them to read Twila, The Girl Who Was In Love With A Vampire. What could possibly go wrong?


Hi all! Well, OXY's in a bit of a rut. Not surprising, really. But what better way to make the dopamine/serotonin/norepinephrine flow and those synapses start firing again than mocking another fanfic?

Yep. Azumanga Daioh vs. Twila, The Girl Who Was in Love with a Vampire.

God help us.

Disclaimer: I do not own Azumanga Daioh, nor do I own Twilight or Twila. Additionally, I have not compiled TTGWWILWAV; that honor belongs to someone else.

Note: I know that what I'm going to say, given the nature of this fic, is hypocritical, but please cut me some slack if some things in this story seem off. In hindsight, I should've broken this fic into three or four chapters; it would've been more manageable. Ah well, this is supposed to be all in good fun; I probably shouldn't worry too much about criticism.

Let's go!

/

Background Information: Because the author of this fic is a lazy fuck, this story's exposition is going to be placed here. Kurosawa and Yukari were busy doing whatever the hell they do on a Friday night before they were abducted by OXYCODONEFROG and locked in a movie theatre. They were told that they could return home if, and only if, they reviewed a terrible English fanfiction. How, you may ask, could Kurosawa read the fic if she doesn't understand English? Fuck you, I'm the author; I'm in full-on godmode; Kurosawa knows English. This is a tale of madness; of great frustration; of despair; of hate; but most of all, this is a tale about hope for a better life.

/ / /

Twila, The Girl Who Waz In Luv With A Vampyre

by TwilaBeautifulPyscoTopazCullen

Compiler's note: This version of TtGWWiLwaV was cobbled together from various sources in order to provide the most complete possible experience, as most versions currently available on the web today are incomplete.

Chapters 2-7 and 9-12 are available in their complete forms wherever you may look. Chapter 1 is missing the opening author's note in the reposts, chapter 8 is missing the last few paragraphs and closing author's note, and chapters 13 and 14 are omitted entirely.

This version of the story restores this missing content as faithfully as humanly possible using the resources already available around the internet.

All chapters 1-12 were reprinted from the theskaalor's commentary on Blogspot, as this reprints the chapters from the original upload of the story. The main text for chapters 13 and 14 were culled from the video descriptions for ZaxfromTSdC's dramatic reading of the story on YouTube. The author's notes for chapters 13 and 14 were unavailable anywhere, so I transcribed them by ear from LRMReading's dramatic reading of the story on YouTube. The chapter titles were reprinted from this same reading.

But enough boring details. Without further ado, here is the literary abomination in its entirety!

Chapter 1 - i meet edword in da school

Kurosawa: See Dick run. See Jane run. See Spot run. See them run away from this fic.

hay guyz my nami is Twila Beautiful PSyco Topaz Cullem.

Yukari: ... This one's going to be a lot of fun...

i go 2 skewl in waschington wif da SEXIIEST VAMPYRE EVER

Yukari: Implying dead bodies are sexy. You freak.

, hiz name iz edward cullen n he iz sooo sexii n hot n gerad way mite play him in da movi TWILITE!1 omfg i wuld hav an organism lolol

Kurosawa: An 'organism?'

but neway dis iz mi stori its called XXX TWILA, THE GURL WHO WAS IN LUV WIF A VAMPIR XXX' ok btw im gothik

Yukari: +sighs+ Let me guess… You're unpopular at school, you feel like your parents, siblings, and/or friends mistreat you, and bla bla bla. Grow the fuck up, kid.

n so is edword so we wer ment to b ok!

Kurosawa: You're basing your entire relationship off of the fact that you're both 'goths?'

Yukari: And you're one to give her relationship advice, Ms. Forever Alone?

Kurosawa: +Swats Yukari on the head+

so haterz bak off n if u lyk bella den FUK U!

Kurosawa: Well... Well... You... You've got an awful personality!

Yukari: Gotta work on your insults, kid.

ok thanx 2 my editar, Midnite Cullen (dnt get ne ideaz shez not marred 2 ed

Kurosawa: Considering that _he's already married to Bella, _I'd say it's good that they aren't married.

, she iz maried 2 jasper)

Kurosawa: ... Yukari? Please tell me that you're carrying alcohol in your purse.

Yukari: Well, one; I'm not. Two: even if I were, I wouldn't share any with you. And three; you're a phy-ed teacher. Therefore, this story cannot put you in pain simply because you're too stupid to comprehend it.

Kurosawa: ... You're calling me stupid, even though my I.Q surpasses yours by ten points?

Yukari: +swats Kurosawa on the head with her purse+ Nine.

Kurosawa: You bitch! +pulls on Yukari's face+

+catfight ensues+

plz plz plz giv me reviews plz i wuld lyk dat

Yukari: "Right up the ass!"

, this is da 1st time i eva rote a stori, btw my infleuence is enoby darkness dementia ravn way! i fink she iz da best OK ENJOY GUYZ

Yukari: +pales+ No… Nonononono...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx TWILA, DA GIRL WHO WAS IN LUV W/ A VAMPIRxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

CHAPTER 1

Hi my name is Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz

Yukari: 'Twila Beautiful Psyco Topaz...' Hmm... Her parents must've been hippies.

Kurosawa: Or American celebrities.

Yukari: Or both.

(not cullen yet, bcuz i ddnt meet edward yet) n i live in waschington

Yukari: The fuck is waschington?

wif my sister Midnite. we liv in a dark house

Kurosawa: "Don't pay your electrical bills, they said! It will be fun, they said!"

that iz far away from every1 els

Yukari: It is a very reassuring thing to know that at least some Americans are smart enough to avoid a Sue.

n we r vampires.

Kurosawa: I just love how she made the fact that they're both vampires seem so mundane.

we feest on blood

Yukari: Let me guess; you 69 when you're on your periods, don't you?

n no1 else noes dat we are vampirs. not evn are mom wich is y we moved away to b by ourselves.

Kurosawa: Wow, their mom must be pretty nice to let them live all alone like that.

Yukari: No, she's smart. She knew a crappy fanfic was about to take place, so she tried to get herself written out of the story as soon as possible.

yes we r LONERS.

Yukari: You give a bad name to loners everywhere.

i go 2 a hi school n every1 finks dat im really hott,

Yukari: No, that's what they think of ME.

Kurosawa: CoughcoughKimuracough.

i hav strait blak hair nd topez eyes n mi sister midnte is da same accept she has magenta eyez. i wear lots of blak makup on mi eyes even tho i hav dark ciircles under my eyes

Yukari: X-Box fiend detected.

, (a/n ok if u think thats lame then FUK U, edword has dem too and steraphie myers sed hes realli hot ok.)

Yukari: Who is this Steraphie Myers? She sounds like a total bitch.

i dnt lyk any1 at mi school,

Kurosawa: It's probably a defense mechanism. You feel bad about yourself, so you project those negative traits onto other people and thus ignore your own problems.

i am a missenthrop (a/n loook it up) that menz i hate other ppl accept midnite.

Kurosawa: Thanks for rendering your prior comment invalid.

one day i met a realli sexi vampore named EDWARd CULLENS he haz realli white skin lyk me. he is satan's gift to dis planet (a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan u r alwayz in mi heart.)

Kurosawa: But... But you just... Just said...

Yukari:+screeches+ IT'S A ILLOGIC BOMB! HIT THE DECK!

so anywey i met him i nda skewl n he was wif some fukking ugli ass bytch named

Kurosawa: +glares at Yukari+ Don't you even dare.

bella swann. she waz soo stupid

Yukari: Hey! She's just like you, Nyamo!

Kurosawa: +growls+

n she kept fallin out of her seat.

Kurosawa: Hey! She's just like you, Yukari!

Yukari: Meh, what can I say? I like being hammered.

edwward lookd at me lyk wtf is dis gurl doing.

Yukari: When did Yomi become Edward?

Kurosawa: And you call me stupid…

Yukari: Huh?

Kurosawa: That isn't Edward; that, my friend, is Edwward. Get it right.

Yukari: … YOU WIN THIS TIME, KUROSAWA! +karate chops Kurosawa's skull+

i smiled at him sexi and aventerous n he new rite away that i wuz a vampir, i culd tell from his eyes wich were da same collor as mine.

Kurosawa: Okay, we all know that Ed is a vampire, but just because his eyes are the same color as hers?

"Heyy" he sed walkn away from bella. dere were some gay ass ghetto ppl in his way doin da SOLDA BOY CRANK DANce

Yukari: IT'S AN ARMY OF TOMOS!

n he jus lookd at dem with his dethly eyes n they iran away.

Yukari: RUN, TOMOS! RUN FOR YOUR LIFES!

i realy hat cliks n gheto ppl fink they r kewl, i giv dem the middle finger in the halwayz n itz l;ke YEA HUS TUFF NOW LOL rite

Yukari: I'm surprised they haven't shot or stabbed her yet.

Kurosawa: … You, a teacher, are poking fun at something like that?

Yukari: Nyamo, Nyamo~! We've been best friends since high school, right?

Kurosawa: Right…

Yukari: So you should know by now that I simply do not give a fuck!

neway edward n i sat 2getha at da lunch tabel n bella stard at us wif dat poser jakob.

Kurosawa: "Please spontaneously combust, please spontaneously combust, please spontaneously combust…"

ed ddnt pay ne atencion to her at all. he told me al abot how he iz a vampir n his dad carlose wnated 2 meet me.

Kurosawa: Wait, how does he know about her?

Yukari: Texting?

n his sisters alice, rosmarie, jasper n emet all luved me rite away n his mom esmi wnted 2 meet me 2.

so we kut skewl early n went to his realli big house in da woods

Yukari: The woods: A great place to hide dead bodies!

n jasper is realli big and muscelar so he jst nocked down all da treez in da way.

Yukari: "Fucking trees, made of wood and shit…"

Kurosawa: That... Is actually rather impressive.

Yukari: Oh? Is Nyamo jealous?

Kurosawa: Sort of...

when we got there carlose came to da door imedately. he gasped in surpise at my beauty

Yukari: "Egad! What is this tramp doing upon my doorstep!"

"You Must be twila, my u certenly r attraxive" he teasd me seductevly.

Kurosawa: IT'S KIMURA!

Yukari: GET THE PEPPER SPRAY!

Kurosawa: IT WON'T WORK; HE'S BUILT UP AN IMMUNITY TO THE STUFF!

ed, jasp, emet, alison n rosaline all growld at him angrly, all sensitive becuz they liked me 2 besidez it wusnt fare cuz he was alreadi married.

Kurosawa: Kimura doesn't pay attention to trifling matters like that!

Yukari: He's alpha as fuck!

"Yea thats me lol" i told him and bowed (a/n dats wat they do in japanese becuz its polite)

Kurosawa: The only reason I'd bow to her is to headbutt her in the gut.

Yukari: Well Nyamo… It looks like you're finally… +puts on a pair of shades+ … Using your head. YEAAAAAAAHHH!

"nice to met you i said.

"So i hear ur a vampir, cum in my house n we can talk about it."

Yukari: Oh Kimura, you and your creepy pedophiliac tendencies!

I waz sooo excited n i ran in quikly in every1 followed me, we were alreadi frends.

Kurosawa: Considering that you've been invited to their home, I'd say that you're their friend.

Yukari: That's just what they want her to think!

XXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTE 1XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

PLZ GUYZ TELL ME IF ITS GUD

Yukari: Still better than anything Tomo writes. Good job, author; there are people out there who suck more than you!

Chapter 2 - THe fite at der house

Yukari: Shit's going down!

FLAMERZ BAK OFF OK. mi engish is fine

Yukari: +Bursts out laughing+

u dnt hav to b a bytch about it u fukkin homos. if u lik bella i sed not 2 red cuz u wuld be offenced. i red dis book a lot of tims

Yukari: That's because YOU HAVE NO LIFE!

i fink i no der names.

Kurosawa: I think you don't know their names.

and wateva u say, DUNT DISS TARA GELSBIE. OK. SHE IS A FUKKING GRATE RITER

Yukari: NO.

OK HERE IS CHAPTA 2.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX CHAPTER 2 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Wen i walkd in2 da house edward disapered and den appered at da piano (hez a vamprie he kan do that.)

Kurosawa: Since when can vampires teleport?

Yukari: Since this idiot started writing, apparently.

he storted 2 play Famous Last werds by mi chemical romans.

Kurosawa: 'Mi chemical romans?'

i started 2 sing in my beatifull voice "Wel i kno that i kan make u stay, wel den were iz ur heart? were iz ur heart?"

Yukari: The heart is located in the chest, you dumb broad!

every1 gasped

Kurosawa: "What the hell is a Sue doing in our home!?"

Yukari: "Kill her! KILL HER!"

, even tho they were vampirs they didnt hav voices lyk me. OUT of nowere they all jumped up nd tried to tak off my cloths.

Minamo: Oh, hey there, Yukari. I didn't know you were in this fic.

Yukari: At least I have guys who're interested in me!

"WOT R U DOING?" i creamed.

Yukari: I bet you did. Slut.

deir eyes were red n they had all turned in2 savagez. den they stoppd and confused.

Yukari: Want to 'confused?'

Kurosawa: Oh, why not?

Yukari: 'WHAT… Is your favorite color?"

Kurosawa: "B."

Yukari: "Take off every zig!"

Kurosawa: "MODS MODS MODS MODS MODS MODS!"

"Sorry Twila." edward sed. "sometimes wen we c some1 we kant resist we turn in2 beasts. it wnt hapen agen" puting bak on mi clothe.

Kurosawa: Well, isn't he a gentleman! He puts her clothes back on, right after he ripped them off!

Yukari: She must be so ugly under that shirt that- hey, hold on. Kurosawa!

Kurosawa: Yes?

Yukari: Vampires don't have a functional circulatory system, do they?

Kurosawa: I'd think so. Why do you ask?

Yukari: Well, if they don't have a functional circulatory system, can they even get aroused?

Kurosawa: I don't know.

Yukari: Exactly! It's impossible!

Kurosawa: But what about artistic license?

Yukari: It can go fuck a duck! There is _nothing _artistic about this shitfic!

"Itz ok a lot of ppl r attracted to me" i excplaned.

Kurosawa: Is it just me, or would it be really fun to unleash Kaori on her?

Yukari: If you told her that the Sue insulted Sakaki, then I'd agree with you.

they all understod.

"it must be ur blood" sed carlose in horrofied. "Beauty, u hav the most rare n exotic blood in all da world, evry vampir wil want to drink it.

Kurosawa: "Even though you're a vampire and shouldn't even have any blood."

Yukari: "I'm a Sue, silly! Reality doesn't apply to me!"

itz much betta den that other gurls, wats her name?"

Yukari: MINAMO 'NYAMO' KUROSAWA!

Kurosawa: I really hate you sometimes…

Yukari: I love you too, honey!

"Dat bytches nam is bella" sed jasper growling.

Kurosawa: Woah, what'd she ever do to you, Jasper?

Midnite hugged him so he wuldnt get 2 angry n apper in bellas house n strangle her wif 1 tuch of his finger cuz hes realli strong lyk da hulk.

Kurosawa: We've already established that.

Yukari: "Tremble and weep, mortal! Gaze upon my mighty finger and despair!"

"twila, i wnat u 2 marri me" sudenly screemed alise hu was a plebian.

Yukari: 'Plebian?' Ah. That explains it.

Kurosawa: Explains what?

Yukari: This was written by a 4Channer; as such, this is a troll fic!

Kurosawa: And you just figured this out. Good job!

Yukari: You… You knew?

Kurosawa: Duh! It's _obviously _a troll fic!

edward rowred at her, furius n all protective n sudenly... he htransformed!

Yukari: Transformers! More than meets the eye!

"OMFG NOOOO" i shouted cuz i dint want ne1 2 get hurt. eds shirt bursted opened wif mussels.

Yukari: What the flying fuck do shellfish have anything to do with this!?

his topazz eyez turnd pure blak with strengt n energy

Kurosawa: "And then his hair turned blond and became really long! And he started screaming for some reason!"

n he jumped at alice

"TWOLA IS MARRING ME ALREADI"

Kurosawa: … You've known each other for only a few hours, if even that.

he sed wif his voice was booming n all da windows exploded n da glass rained down lik

Yukari: Whenever Yomi sings.

Kurosawa: +shudders+ Why must you bring that up?

in dat avril laven video wer she punches da miror n da glass all flyes out around her.

Kurosawa: Um… I think Edward might be autistic...

Yukari: No, no. Most autistic people have some degree of dignity. This… Ed is Chris-chan.

He storted 2 fite with alice to da death over me.

Yukari: Hooray! I haven't seen somebody snuff it in _ages!_

Kurosawa: +edges away from Yukari+

"Guyz guys" i suddenly compromized "Guess wat

Kurosawa: "What?"  
Yukari: "Chicken butt!"

srry im not a lebian."

Kurosawa: How is that a surprise? It's like saying, "Oh hey, guess what, the sky is blue!"

alice started 2 cry tearz of blood.

Kurosawa: That can't be good...

"Y r her tears blood" i asked all curios

Yukari: "Well, Sue, vampire women have a special time of the month when they bleed from their eyes…"

"Oh no this is bad" said emet hu had been in da bathrom da hole time.

Kurosawa: "Hey, you're just in time to give a doubtlessly crappy explanation!"

"wen we cry our tearz r blood n its da blood of our victims, shez losin blood n now she wil be thirsy agen. RUN"

Alic tryed 2 jump at me and tare my flesh but i movd out of da way n she attakd rosemarie instead hu was prety but she waznt as prety as me

Yukari: Of course she wasn't as pretty as you, Sue! I mean, yeah, there's a psychotic vampire on the loose, but nobody cares about that!

n her throat flew open. n blood poured out everywere n alice ate it.

Kurosawa: Rosemary's blood must've clotted pretty fast, considering that Alice managed to _eat the blooming stuff! _

"Ohh mi satan"

Kurosawa: But you're an atheist! You don't believe in a higher power!

Yukari: Well, I'll tolerate her. But I swear, I am going to behead her if she insults Haruhi Suzumiya!

i said heartbrokn becuz i causd so much truble. edward jus laughed "its ok babe" he said nd kissed me for da 1st time! (He had turned back from blak ed to white ed

Yukari: Racist swine!

(a/n HEZ LIK HOTSANHARU FROM FRUITY BASKET)

Yukari: … Racist swine!

n he was calm agen.) "Shez a vampir, shell just cum bak 2 life."

Kurosawa: So… They're going to…

Yukari: Uh-huh.

Kurosawa: With a dead body…

Yukari: Yep.

Kurosawa: … Not even alcohol can make me forget this abomination.

so they sedeted alison n she fel asleep n rose came bak 2 lyf.

Yukari: BEHOLD THE POWER OF HEALING BUTTSEX!1!

we had berger king 4 diner bcuz i had 2 hurry.

Kurosawa: Oh yes, this is definitely Americanese.

Yukari: +failing to muffle laughter+

n then i went home thinsking of edword the hole time and how his flami hot lips felt on my

Yukari: PINGAS!

. his body waz so warm n i culdnt wate to c him agen.

Kurosawa: Wait a moment! Weren't Ed and the rest of the sparkelpires cold?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTA 2XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kurosawa: So many pointies…

Yukari: AH! Her puny gym teacher mind can't comprehend the break!

Chapter 3 - MCR CONSERT, I find out a vampir secret

OK PPL HU REVIEW 2 SAY SHIT ABOUT MI STORI CAN GO FUKK DEMSELFS.

Yukari: +pulls a dildo out of her purse+

Kurosawa: +blushes+ Y-YUKARI! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?

Yukari: Well, she told people who didn't like her fic to go fuck themselves, so I figure that I'll comply.

Kurosawa: NOT IN FRONT OF ME!

Yukari: Why not? We're both girls, after all! Unless… +gasps+ Nyamo-chan is Nyamo-kun!?

Kurosawa: +grabs Yukari by the neck+ N. O.

Yukari: +chokes+ So… You're… A… Futa, then?

Kurosawa: +lets Yukari go+ I don't know what that is, and I don't want to know what it is.

my stori is beleiveble

Both: +uproarious laughter+

u just hav 2 keep readin n u can c y!1 but to ppl hu gav me good reveiws, THANX U GUYZ ROKK 333 LUV U

Yukari: Hear that, Nyamo? She loves us! Time for a three-way beaver bump!

Kurosawa: Just ignore her, Minamo… Just ignore her…

CHAPTER 3

"Hey betch wat r u doin home." midnite asked.

Kurosawa: "... I live here."

Yukari: "Oh yeah… I forgot about that…"

"u hav 2 promise not 2 say nething..."

Yukari: Bitch be 'rollin double negatives!

i sed nervly n midnite laffed n sed "hu wuld i say somthing 2, we r loners remeber?'

Yukari: And by that logic, run. Run far, far away. Never return.

"o yea" i sed and told her evrythin dat hapened. she gosped wen i told her abot edword kissing me. "SO WATE" she scremed "R U GUYZ IN LUV NOW OR WHUT?"

Yukari: "Nah, we're just fuckbuddies."

"ya were goin 2 homecuming 2getha."

Kurosawa: So the goths are going to homecoming… And _why _are they going to an event like homecoming?

Yukari: No, 'homecuming.' They're going to jizz all over the house.

i showd her my blakk dress wif lace n leather n my spiky black shoez. "edword sed he liks dese." we laffed happy 2gether n danced arond da house. we were so happi 4 me.

Yukari: Damnit, quit pointing out the obvious! We'll be here forever if you keep that shit up!

i sang tenagerz by mcr. den. ... DA DOOR NOCKED!

Kurosawa: Oh thank goodness the cops are here… C'mon, arrest this bitch!

"TWIL WERE R U. sum1 asked frum outside. i went 2 da door n it was alison. i scremed. IF U FUKKING TRI 2 SUKK MI

Yukari: "PINGAS!"

Kurosawa: That wasn't funny the first time you said it, and it isn't funny this time.

Yukari: That's just what I want you to think… +evil laughter+

BLOOD AGEN ILL GET ED i told her. she bast in2 tearz. midnite quikly jumoed up 2 defend me but i told her to go awey bcuz i culd handle alis.

Kurosawa: Because she's losing all her blood and is going to become hungry again?

Yukari: "Hey, Alice, eat a Snickers! You get a little OOC when you're hungry."

"ok y did u cum here." i sed.

Yukari: "You left your bra over at our place. I just thought I'd return it to you."

Kurosawa: "Oh, thank you! … Wait, why's this wet? And smelly?"

alisenz blody tears dint scare me.

Yukari: Even though she's probably going to flip the fuck out again?

i new she had enuf blood 2 last cuz of wen she attaked alison.

Yukari: In case you didn't notice, the bitch sprung a leak.

"i felt sooo bad 4 tring to drink ur blood" she histericly cry.

Kurosawa: "I killed my sister, but that isn't really important!"

"i wnted 2 alopogize wif a present."

Kurosawa: Well, that's nice and all, but you tried to kill her… It's going to take a lot more than a present to make amends for that.

"All i wnat in dis world is edword, n i hav him so noting u can giv me matterz." i shucffed at her. But den ... she held up 2 TIKKETS 2 A MCR CONSERT!

Yukari: You can be bought so easily, Sue.

Kurosawa: So are you.

Yukari: And I am not ashamed.

"OMFGGGGG!111" i was static.

Kurosawa: Ah, so that's why this fic's text is so garbled! It's static!

Yukari: If only we could change the channel on this piece of shit…

Kurosawa: If only… If only...

i grabed dem from her n gave 1 2 midnite. "actully" alison wimpered "1 was suposed 2 be 4 me. so we cold go 2getha"

Yukari: "NOPELOL You smell like ham!"

"But i wanted 2 go wif ed" i shoted.

Yukari: Nobody cares what you want!

i imagned his beutiful face wif his blakk eyliner n blakk lipstik. n his smexi bodi.

Yukari: Absolutely disgusting.

OK alison sed. "we can jus tak mi hole family.

Kurosawa: How can her family be a hole?

Yukari: Sue.

Kurosawa: But-

Yukari: _Sue._

esmet realli luvs mcr 2"

Kurosawa: Did you mean Emmet? Or Esme?

so we went to da consert n ed n i had innercoarse on da way.

Yukari: I said this before, but… Slut.

evry1 tought we wer so cute.

Kurosawa: … What the fuck is wrong with this family?

"THIS NITE WALK DA DEAD"

Yukari: Go through the door!

Kurosawa: Get on the floor!

Both: Everybody walk the dinosaur!

scremed gerad way. den... EVENIEZENCE KAME ON! dey sand a duet wif mcr. den dey sang sum more stuff.

Kurosawa: Isn't it funny how she spends so much time describing herself, but never bothers about the bands she idolizes?

emet had an ejaxclamation

Kurosawa: That sounds painful...

in da audience n sudenly HE TURNED IN2 A BAT.

Yukari: And then Ozzy Ozborn bit his head off. The end.

"OH SHITTTTT NOOOO" EDWard sighed.

Yukari: Okay, that line is _awesome!_

"dis is bad too twola, dis is realli bad." all dis bad stuf kept hapening wile i was wif dem.

Yukari: Yes. Yes, bad things do happen when you're around, Sue. Immolate yourself; that way bad things won't happen nearly as often as they do now.

vampirs turn int2 batz wen dey r realli exited n evry1 wuld no his secret but no1 cared cuz dey wer all gothz.

Kurosawa: It's more likely that they're all high and thought it was another hallucination.

Yukari: "What are these goddamn animals!? We can't stop here, this is bat country!"

gerad lookd at him from da stage n he jumpd down thru da crowd n came over 2 us.

Kurosawa: And his fans let him? Wouldn't they mob him?

"He bat." he sed in his fukking killer voce.

Kurosawa: Are you _blind!?_

i CREAMED so loud

Yukari: That's funny, I'm not loud when I cre-

Kurosawa: WE DO NOT NEED TO KNOW THIS!

bcuz i luvvv gerad wif all my lyfe.

Kurosawa: What about Ed?

Yukari: What about him?

his makueup waz runing bcuz he waz cring cuz dey sang helen (a/n dat song is abot his grandpa hu dyed RIP GERARDS GRANPA) but he glarced at emset n tuched his wings n he turned bak.

gerad went home wif da cullenz bcuz he nd emet becam bfs.

Kurosawa: Best friends?

Yukari: Boy friends?

cuz dey fell in luv.

Both: Oh.

Yukari: … I'm still confused…

Kurosawa: +edges away from Yukari+

i was sooo jealous but ed got angy n i told him i luv him so it waz ok. WE ALL WENT HOM N I GOT GERARDS AUTOGRAF.

Yukari: Good for you. Now go jump off a cliff.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPTE 3XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

PLZ GUYZ GIV ME MOR REVEIWS I FINK DIS WAZ A REALLI GUD CHAPTER

Kurosawa: No. It wasn't. It really wasn't.

Chapter 4 - Weddingz

OK PPL I AM NOT A TROL! I AM A VAMPIR OK GET IT STRAIT

Kurosawa: She thinks that these things are _real?_

Yukari: I KNEW IT! Nyamo, get the sedatives! I'll get the straightjacket!

THANX FOR DA PPL HU GAVE ME GUD REVEIWS U GUIZ ROKK

Yukari: I always rock; no exceptions.

Kurosawa: What about the time you ate that clam chowder and-

Yukari: _No. Exceptions._

CHAPTER 4

I was walking down da halway in skewl wen i saw Ed wif...

Yukari: A cannon?

bella!

Yukari: Canon. I meant canon.

she waz askin him sumfing n cring all over da place.

Yukari: Nothing out of the ordinary, then.

"Wat is goin on" i snared n edword hugged me n sed "Its ok i waz tring 2 ignore her butt

Yukari: "She doesn't wipe…"

she wnt go away."

Yukari: Just like you. And herpes.

"Plz plz edmard" she cryed. "I realli want 2 go to homecumin wid u. i go evry year wif no date n now im in luv wif u nd i want u to b mi date."

STFU edward sed.

Kurosawa: That's _cold..._

Yukari: But awesome.

"Cant u see dat i alredi hav a date. Dis is my gf TWILA."

Kurosawa: Don't you mean fiancée?

"Yea u better bakk off." i told her. "odderwize thingz mite get messi."

Kurosawa: "Don't make me use even worse grammar!"

She ran away screming.

Kurosawa: "Nooooooo! Don't rape what little character I have!"

"So hav u cn Esmet?' i assed him. "He waznt in homroom 2dai" "Yea ummm Tqila

Yukari: I could really go for a shot of tequila. Or ten.

, he transforrmed out of da skewl so he culd go on tourz wif Gerad."

Yukari: Fine. Farewell! Good riddance!

"But hes a vampir1" i was socked at dis. "Yea but ur a vampiir 2." ed sed. "o yea." i sed.

Kurosawa: "I can't believe I forgot that."

(a/n I DINT FORGET I WAZ WATING 4 DA RITE TIME TO BRING IT UP AGEN.)

Yukari: On three?

Kurosawa: On three.

Both: One… Two… Three! BULLSHIT!

so we both turned in2 batz n flew 2 class (no1 noticed).

Kurosawa: Impossible. We're teachers; we know what kids are like.

When skewl ended i went in2 my car and drove hom. Wen I got der my sister was geting maried.

Yukari: HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN!?

"OMSG R U GETING MARIED 2 JAZER." i culd not beleve it. 'yea' she smeled. "I luv him n he iz goin 2 live wif us now."

Kurosawa: "I'm fine with that and all, but you couldn't have, oh, say, TOLD ME YOU WERE GETTING MARRIED!?"

I storted 2 cry becuz ed n i wernt maried yet.

Kurosawa: Marriage is overrated, you know.

Yukari: +giggles+

Midnite trid to hug me but i shot her away

Yukari: Hey, this just became pretty badass!

, bcuz her lif waz so much betta dan mine. "Im alredi 16 n im not marred yet." tears swam down mi beatiful face.

Kurosawa: Trust me, don't worry about it when you're in you're teens. Approaching thirty, on the other hand...

Suddenly... dey al shoted "SURPISEE!1" Midnite n Jasper wernt getting married... IT WAZ 4 ME AND ED!

Both: WHAT A TWIST!

(a/n dey got mared da next day insted).

Both: Wat.

"NO WAY I was sooo inflated.

Yukari: Inflation porn? HUZZAH! +pulls out dildo+

Kurosawa: +wrestles dildo away from Yukari+ NOPE!

Yukari: You do understand that, by proxy, you're hands are feeling up my vagina, right?

Kurosawa: +turns green+ I-I think I'm going to have to lie down for a bit...

Yukari: +shrieks+ OH NO YOU DON'T, BITCH! YOU'RE REVIEWING THIS SHIT WITH ME WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!

Kurosawa: What d-did I ever do t-to deserve this?

Yukari: You exist.

Kurosawa: +hits her forehead against the back of a seat and groans+

Edward and me had an atheest ceremoni in my hose.

Kurosawa: I didn't know hoses were made that big.

So we were huband and wives. Midnite, Jazper, Esmie, Emet, Gerad, Rose, were all dere... but so waz... ALLICE!

Yukari: So what? If the stupid bitch wants to go to your wedding, let her!

"I hope ur not mad dat me n ur brother r married." i sed to her gothikally after da wedding. "I told u that i dunt lik u that way, im not lezz."

"Sigh" she knew. So we all went 2 a party n had lots of blood.

Yukari: "And lo, the sea of menstrual blood was consumed by the vampires."

Then we went bak to mi house. Some1 rang the bell n i answered it, making out wif Edword.

Yukari: Jeez, can't you two stop eating each other's faces for a few seconds!?

"Y DID U MARRI HIM YOU IGNORANIUS."

Kurosawa: Because they're both insane?

shoted da guy at da door. It was Bibby Brown.

Kurosawa: 'Bibby Brown?' Wh- Hey, it isn't that funny!

Yukari: +gasping between laughs+ Yes... It... Is...!

He ran in on his weelchaire

Kurosawa: A wheelchair that can run. Huh. That's actually pretty cool.

n Jacob flowed him. "Dont u dare tuch Twia." snotted Ed.

Yukari: "Or what? You'll flick a booger at me?"

Every1 came

Yukari: What is it with these people and orgasms?

2 c what waz happening. "Why wold I toch her, shes hieneous" he glarred at me.

Yukari: If by heineous, you mean heinous, you're spot on.

"THATS IT NOW I HAV 2 KILL U." boomed mi busband.

Yukari: _"You DARE bring LIGHT to my LAIR!? YOU MUST DIE!"_

Kurosawa: ... Huh?

He turned in2 a savage lik da time i went to his house. I told him 2 stop becuz i needed to talk to Bolly n Jakob.

Kurosawa: "Now isn't a good time, dear."

he stoped.

Kurosawa: Why? If he's so overwhelmed by primal rage that he turns into a beast, shouldn't he be incapable of understanding language?

Yukari: I'll give you a hint, Nyamo. It's a three letter long name.

"Ok y dont u want us 2 be together y is our love so bad 4 u" i cried. "Itz because... I CANT SAY IT." sed da guy in da wheelcher.

Kurosawa: You mean Bibby?

Yukari: +snerk+

"JUST SPIC IT OUT."

Kurosawa: Hoo boy... This fic just got racist in a hurry...

Yukari: You're one to talk! You know only one language, you racist swine!

Kurosawa: Lots of people know only one language and they aren't racist!

Yukari: Silence, Nazi scum!

every1 sed. he began to cry histerical. "Mebe dis song will help u undersand." he started 2 sing in his crampy old voice

Both: Wat.

"WELL I MIS U. I MISS U SO FAR. N DA COMMISION OF UR KISS, DAT MADE IT SO HARD."

Yukari: I bet it did, if ya know what I mean.

Kurosawa: I'm not sure if its a good or a bad thing that you're exactly the same as you were back in high school...

Yukari: A good thing, of course! Growing old is something that the ugly people like you do!

Kurosawa: ... One of these days, Yukari... One of these days...

Well gerald was FORIOUS becuz dat was his song n he started 2 attak him bcuz of copiright refrigement.

Kurosawa: He got mad because his copyright was in a fridge? Odd...

(a/n I DNT OWN THE LYRCS TO DA SONG EITHER). Ther was a big fite n i storted to cry

Yukari: Little bitch.

Kurosawa: Hey, isn't she a vampire? If she cries, shouldn't she be depleting herself… of… blood… … Damned Sues.

"Oh no, ur in luv with me arnt u." And Bobby

Yukari: +throws her soda at the screen+ ITS BIBBY, YA DUNCE!

Ran away from gerad n sed YES. Edword killed him.

Yukari: Yay for excessive violence that we don't get to see! +seethes+

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAOTER 4XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chapter 5 - Cheaterz nd Suicede

Yukari: Great, the chapter hasn't even started yet and I want to kill something.

Kurosawa: +slowly edges away from Yukari+

IF U R LEVING ME LONG AZZ REVEIWS ON Y I RUNED UR LIFE DEN SORRI GET DA FUKK OVA IT.

Yukari: There are some wounds man cannot recover from...

i am gong 2 keep makin chaptas

Yukari: Not if you're pushing up daises. Kekeke…

n if u report me den ur a lozer,

Yukari: What's that, brat? I'm sorry, but I can't hear you; I'm too busy WINNING!

ill just make a new accont.

Kurosawa: ... Yep, it's a troll.

NEWAYZ FANX 2 DA PPL HU GAVE ME GOOD REVEIWS AGEN U GUYZ KEEP ME GOING. PLZ ENJOY CHAPTA 5.

CHAPTER 5

We didnt no whut 2 do wif all da blood from bobby

Yukari: Bibby!

brown so every1 just drank it off da floor.

Kurosawa: Ew...

Yukari: "Five second rule, guys!"

We had weding gamez n shit

Kurosawa: That's a delightful way of putting it.

Yukari: You can't even be troubled to be creative, can you?

and jacob left cuz he waz angri at us 4 some resason.

Kurosawa: You killed his dad; quite a few people would be pissed off if you did that to their father.

Yukari: Even Shinji Ikari?

Kurosawa: Er… Well… I'm sure he'd be somewhat upset…

We playd spin da bottle n GErard had 2 kiss ed. (a/n lol bi guyz r sooo hot)

Yukari: Meh, not really...

Kurosawa: Really? I thought you were into stuff like that.

Yukari: Nah, guy on guy is disgusting. Girl on girl, however...

Kurosawa: +scoots away from Yukari+

Yukari: YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME!

i waznt jelous cuz dey r both guyz. But Emetr was deprezzed becuz Gerord is his bf. We listened 2 Green day and he got cheered up.

Kurosawa: I don't think Green Day is the most uplifting band.

Yukari: And in other news, Chiyo got another 100% on a test.

I was gong 2 sleep dat nite when i got posesesd by Saten.

Yukari: And then you go on a killing rampage? Or turn into a mecha? Or both?

But it was ok cuz were friendz n he just doez dat sometimes as a joke.

Yukari: ... Why must you constantly disappoint me, fic? Why?

I asked him wat he wanted n he told me 2 kill Rosemarie.

"What y?" I new dat Ed would be angey if i killed his sister. "Becoz she is a blond prepp" sed satan suicidelly.

Kurosawa: ... I don't understand. How can anyone say something 'suicidelly?' What, was he going to drop a toaster in his bathtub?

So I went 2 der house in da dark n i knew wich was rosalyns room becuz da door was pink with pompomz hanging from it n a poster of Holary Duff.

Kurosawa: That is nothing like her!

I broke down da door but inside waz... EDWIRD!

"WTF IS GOING ON U ASSHOLE" i scremed

Kurosawa: I'd like to know, too.

"DIS IS UR ROOM?" "NO LET ME FUKKING EXPLAN" he began to cry. Den i saw... ROSA WAS ON TOP OF HIM!

Yukari: WOO! WAY TO GO, GIRL! +pulls off bra and takes out a lighter; proceeds to light bra on fire and spins it over her head+

Kurosawa: ... Yep, just like high school...

"EW WTF U BUSTARD DATS UR SISTER!1" i exploded. I transofmed n began to tear da room apart n ripped all da preppy posters down.

Yukari: Oh yes, you're extremely upset because you caught your husband cheating on you with his sister, so the first thing you're going to do is attack the posters.

I jumped at Rosalien n bit her neck nd she started having a sezure.

Both: Wat.

Then she ran around nd died.

Kurosawa: Seizures don't work that way! I think...

Yukari: You? _Think? _Holy fucking shit, it's the end of the goddamn world!

Ed kept crying.

Kurosawa: I think I might join him if this keeps up much longer...

"Dis is disgusting" i said wif disgust.

Yukari: Oh hey, she must work at The Department of Redundency Department.

+!TV TROPES REFERENCE!+

Yukari: ... Fucking DayQuil's making me hallucinate again...

Kurosawa: +scoots away from Yukari+

"I cant beleve it, u nd Rose." "Just listen ok" he pleased. "I culdnt c in da dark, I thought she was you."

Yukari: "And hey, incest is wincest!"

"Yea rite like I beleve dat.

Kurosawa: The Sue is displaying some intelligence... Maybe the world actually IS ending.

We're getting a devorce!"

Yukari: See kids? You might think that your high school sweetheart's going to be with you forever, but here's proof that you'll be alone for the rest of your life!

I waz so pissed. But den Edward got on his knes n

Yukari: "Sucked my PINGAS!"

sang "If u mary me, will u bury me,

Kurosawa: You're giving the deranged Sue ideas, Ed.

will u carry me 2 da end?" Nd I remembad da promise we had mad ova dat song when we got marred. We sed we wuld alwayz b der 4 each odder.

Kurosawa: Oh no... She isn't...

"Ok fine dis is ur last chance bittch."

Kurosawa: +facepalms+ You idiot!

I ran out of da room nd saw Carlose in da hall. "Hey babez" he laffed. "Im so much betta dan edward, y dont u come upsters wif me?"

Yukari: Hey, good idea! Trick her into going upstairs and then killing her! Brilliant!

But I just ran away sadly becuz every1 wanted sumfing from me.

Yukari: Kid, everybody wants something from everybody.

The next day was a bad tim

Yukari: Tim's a _naughty _boy!

becuz it was akward betwn me nd Ed.

Kurosawa: No shit, Sherlock.

Nd plus Midnite was in da hospital from slitting her rists, becuz Jazper had called her a slutt.

Kurosawa: Jeez, kids these days are so thin skinned.

Yukari: I see what you did there!

Kurosawa: Eh? What do yo-… Shit.

He waz getting realli moody all da time

Yukari: _"CRAWLING IN MY SKIN/THESE WOUNDS, THEY WILL NOT HEAL!"_

nd he acted jelous around me nd Ed all da time.

Yukari: He's constipated. He's obviously constipated.

I asked him abot it in skewl

Kurosawa: Remember kids: illiteracy is kewl!

"Hey y da fukk did u mak my sister slit her rists."

Yukari: He didn't make her do anything! If she wanted to tear her arms to ribbons, that's her choice! I mean, what; did he point a gun at her head and ordered her to start cutting? Fuckwits...

I roared. He sighed wif deprezzion nd sed "Im just not in luv wif her anymore, after u killed alic I saw ur true strength."

Kurosawa: Did that make any sense whatsoever?

Yukari: Nope.

"What r u saying?"

Kurosawa: "I'm saying that you are a Sue and therefore must delete yourself."

I dint undestand.

Both: Gee, what a surprise.

"Im saying dat i would rather b with u dan her.

Both: +facepalm+

Yukari: Ooh! Double facepalm all the way~!

So I was hopping dat she wuld kill herself nd we wuld b devorced."

Kurosawa: ... And you couldn't hire a lawyer because?

Yukari: He's a tightwad? The author is retarded? 42?

"Omg i wuld neva b wif u in a million years, ur a terrible person..."

Kurosawa: Stop making reasonable points, Sue!

i sed wif tears of blood pooping down my pale face.

Both: ...

Yukari: That image will haunt me in my nightmares...

+both shudder+

I waz wearing violet fishnetz wif safety pins in dem and a red corset wif a blakk vest over it n a pentagram n lots of safety pins nd tight blakk jeanz.

Kurosawa: Woah, woah, woah! What the hell just happened!?

Yukari: The author didn't take their ADHD meds?

Mikael, Jabob, Bella, n Jessa all gatered around us.

Kurosawa: I didn't know they could turn into alligators…

Jasp waz so embarassed.

Yukari: "D-don't look at me, b-baka!"

A lot of da teachers came over n stared at me.

Yukari: Stare…

Kurosawa: Stare…

Both: Stare…

"Twila plz report 2 da principles office." The teachers sed strangly.

Yukari: GEAHHHH! The teachers are part of The Borg!

So i followed dem nd da princple was der and he sed to me "Im sorri but we r going 2 hav 2 tranfer u to a diff skewl."

Kurosawa: Hooray for the principal!

"OMFG NO." sed loudly. "I CANT DIS IS WER EDWARD GOZ 2 SCHOL." "Yes," they admited uncomfortly.

Yukari: "We do not wish to assimilate you."

"But ur causing a realli bad diserbance in da

Yukari: Force.

school.

Yukari: Damnit!

U c der is somthing... odd abot u.

Yukari: "You make everyone around you into a pants-on-head retard! Do you think we're okay with this!? What about test scores? What about federal funding, damnit!"

Nd no1 feelz comfortble wif u here

Yukari: This man speaks nothing but the truth! All hail the oracle of Apollo!

so u hav 2 go 2 dat other school in Waschington, calld Mount Saint Prepz Acadamy. "

Kurosawa: +snerk+ Oh God, that name...

I culdnt beleve it. I waz nevr gong 2 see ed agen if i went dere.

Kurosawa: Again: _married. _

I jumpd out da window

Yukari: "Fell three stories, broke my neck, and died. The end."

n ran home n took out a nife and cut miself. Der waz blood all ova da floor nd i fell down and started 2 die.

Both: HOORAY!

XXXXX 2 BE CONTINUED XXXXXXX

Both: DAMNIT!

Yukari: My jimmies! You rustled them up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell! +sobs+

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END OF CHAPER 5XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

OK GUYZ SORRI FOR DA CLIPHANGER.

Yukari: "Well I'm not sorry/ Bang! You're dead."

I WILL UPDATE SOON.

Kurosawa: Please don't.

REVIEWS THANX

Yukari: Fuck you, you fucking fucker!

Chapter 6 - A life dats so demanding

Yukari: Cry me a river, you ungrateful bitch.

A/N: ok u noe wat prepz? im gong 2 rite mi stori betta

Both: Liar!

so u guyz kan stup complaning abot chatzpeek.

Yukari: Yeah, mmmm, no.

SO NOW U WILL HAV NOTHING 2 FLAMM ABOT HA HA.

Kurosawa: I'm not even going to go there.

nd btw stopp tellin me 2 use spellchek, becuz im using notpad nd it dosnt have it ok!

Kurosawa: It isn't a Herculean task to get a program with spellcheck, you know!

Yukari: Trollfic?

Kurosawa: ... Oh yeah...

midnite fanx for da good reveiws, n every1 else hu gav me good reveiws, u guyz rokk! TATA GLIESBIE I LUV U! PREPZ STUP FLAMMING!1 GOTHZ ROCK 666

Yukari: Edgy.

CHAPTER 6

XXX CONTINUD FROM DA LAST CHAPTER XXX

When I woke up Deward was over me. "Twilla. TWILA!" he screwed into my ear.

Yukari: Edward-

Kurosawa: Deward.

Yukari: ... _Deward _is a tentacle monster? Neato!

"Youre going to be ok."

Both: BOO! +starts throwing popcorn at the screen+

My long strait hair was all around me, I was laying on the flor. I was wearing a black spagitti strap shirt with a matching sweatshirt over it nd a blak jean skirt with MCR pins on it. I had on ripped fishnets and blak highheels that had spikes coming out of them.

Kurosawa: _Is now really the time to be telling us about what you're wearing!?_

There were bandagez all over my arms and body were I cut myself. You could c the blood coming thru.

Yukari: Cool!

"Just fukk off ok?" I said with a sad smile and I storted to cry. He tried 2 comfort me.

Kurosawa: Instead of trying to save her? … Dang, maybe he's smarter than I thought.

He had his bronz hair in spikes with purple steaks in it and he had on white fondation on his sexah face. There were tears raining down from his topaz eyes. "No plese tell me y you did this." He shooted.

Yukari: Hooray for the mercy kill!

"I dont want to effing talk abot it ok can you just bakk the fuk off!"

Yukari: ... _Fuck..._

I was so depressed.

Kurosawa: The feeling is mutual.

Yukari: Effexor, motherfucker: take it!

I got up off the floor and tried 2 run out the door but Edward stopped me.

Kurosawa: No, I'm pretty sure that's just the blood loss.

"WAIT!" he whimspered.

Yukari: 'Whimpered?'

Kurosawa: 'Whispered?'

Both: 'Simpered?'

"There is some1 waiting for you out there, itz not safe." His voice got all low and hott like a male version of Amy Lee in the begining of Goin Under.

Kurosawa: No witty commentary; that was just bad.

"But I really need too talk to you." I begged pleasingly. "Lissen, I cant stay in dis school anymore."

Kurosawa: "I have to milk as much drama out of this situation as possible!"

"WE CAN TALK LATER, WATCH OUT, SHEZ ABOUT TO BREAK DOWN THE DOOR!" Suddenly I turned around and the door smashed down. It was .. ... BUFFI THE VAMPIR SLAYER! (a/n fanx for da sugestion! 666 XXX)

Both: HOORAY!

Kurosawa: Get them, Buffy!

Yukari: Kill them all! Don't let a single one of them live!

"Ahahaha, dont even bother," she said meanly. "You cant escape from me Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz Sad'ness Cullen."

Kurosawa: "I always feel sick when I say a vampire Sue's name."

But I was to angry to even c her. "You now what Edword, u never pay attencion to me. Why dont you just go to Emett, so you guys can screw?

Kurosawa: "Um... Hello?"

Becuz you obviously dont care abot me." "NO PLEASE"

Kurosawa: "I'm going to kill you, so... Yeah, be intimidated..."

he got down on his knees with dark tearz of sorrow. "Give me another chance"

Kurosawa: "Bad time, guys? I mean, I can come back later."

"Do you remebr what I said that nite." He lookd at me all confused and sad,

Kurosawa: I feel confused and sad, too, come to think of it.

and Buffie started 2 take out her sword.

Kurosawa: "Fuck it, I'm going to kill you now."

"I SED ONE MORE CHANCE AND I MEANT IT NOW YOU CAN JUST GET THE FUKK OUT OF MI LIFE BECAUSE YOU ONLY HURT ME."

Yukari: STOP MAKING SENSE, SUE! IT FREAKS ME RIGHT THE FUCK OUT!

I took off da pentargram he had gotten me nd just before I was about to throw it out the window he ran over and hugged me and startd 2 sing "Cruxifiction in Space" by Marlin Manson.

Kurosawa: "And then I whipped out my trusty pepper spray and maced that mofo!"

Dat song was so touching and I had to forgiv him.

Yukari: How the fuck is something called 'Crucifixion in Space' touching!?

"Excus me were were we?" laughed Buffie da Vampir Slayer looking at us.

Kurosawa: She came over to kill them, and yet allowed this drama to unfold? She's a pretty nic-

Yukari: Stupid bitch.

Kurosawa: But she le-

Yukari: STUPID BITCH!

Kurosawa: Wai-

Yukari: _STUPID. BITCH!_

Kurosawa: Okay, okay! Jeez...

"Look if u dont get out of here, i am gong to post dese pictures of u screwing Angell on the internet!" I shooted.

Kurosawa: And you obtained these… How?

She got scared becaus she didnt want 2 end up like that prep Pares Hilton.

Both: ...

Yukari: ... Of all the days I just had to go and leave the either at home...

A lot of other stuff happened nd then Edword went home, we were still marred. But I didnt get 2 talk 2 him abot transferring. I went home n listened to Panic At Da Disko and put on a blak nitegown nd put my hare up in a blakk skull clip. I went 2 take a bathe but when I went to da tub I saw. ... Edard!

Kurosawa: +hums the Psycho shower theme+

"How did u get in here?" I asked shockly with anger. "I transported n, I have telekinisis." (a/n LIKE VOLXEMORT FROM MY IMMORTAL LOL.)

Yukari: No. _No. _That is _not _how telekinesis works!

Kurosawa: Well… Telekinesis literally means 'distance movement', so…

Yukari: You're a gym teacher! You know nothing!

Kurosawa: If I know nothing, how come I did better in college than you?

Yukari: The professors hated me!

So we took off our cloths nd you guyz can guess what we did (yea u pervs get ur mindz out of the glutter.)

Kurosawa: Hey, don't' get mad at me! I thought you guys were making sandwiches!

Yukari: With extra mayo!

The next morning I woke up and I COULDNT BELEVE IT.

Kurosawa: "I can't believe it's not butter!"

"OMFG ED WAKE UP RITE NOW." I scremed. He drove over 2 my house to see what waz wrong.

Kurosawa: Wait, what? I thought Ed was living with her?

"IM PREGGANT."

Yukari: … You're pregnant? You're pregnant not even a day after you rode your husband's disco stick? Just… Go. Just go.

I was crying. I started 2 kut my rists over the bandages with a razor.

Both: …

Kurosawa: I believe the Sue just crossed the Moral Event Horizon.

+TVTROPES REFERENCE+

Kurosawa: Is now really the time to point that out!?

Just then da fone rang, it was the principal saying "Twola, ur going to be late for ur first day at Mount Saint Prepz Acadamy."

Kurosawa: He's making sure she's going to be on time for her first day at a new school? What a nice person!

Yukari: He just wants to make sure that she isn't going to wander back into his school.

Kurosawa: No, he's doing it out of the goodness of his heart!

Yukari: Yeah, yeah, enjoy your delusions.

"THATZ IT THIS COULDNT BE ANY WORSE."

Kurosawa: She could be riding in the Yukarimobile.

Yukari: You're implying that traffic laws apply to me.

Kurosawa: … They do.

Yukari: Pfft, please. I'm so badass, not even the laws of physics apply to me!

I flew in2 my bed and kept crying nd my pillow turned red nd black with makup and blood.

Yukari: Da bawby goes BAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!

"YOURE GOING 2 MOUNT SAINT PREPZ ACADAMY?" EDWARD YELLED. "I WAS TRYING TO TELL U THAT LAST NIGHT YOU IDIOTIC AIDS!"

Yukari: Heh, I'm going to have to remember that for when I feel like laughing again.

I culdnt take it, my life was absolutely terrible and I had nofing left to live for.

Kurosawa: Your baby?

Yukari: Your husband?

Kurosawa: Your future?

Yukari: Your shitty bands?

Kurosawa: Chocolate?

Yukari: Buttsex?

Kurosawa: Anime?

Yukari: Drugs?

Kurosawa: The sunrise?

Yukari: The thrill of killing the homeless?

Kurosawa: … You scare me sometimes…

Yukari: I know, my favorite piece of ass. I know.

Edword tried 2 calm down and hug me but I punched him away.

Yukari: FALCO PAAAAWNCH! Hey, fun fact: Falcon Punch is the best way to end an unwanted pregnancy!

Kurosawa: Really scaring me...

"Please itll be ok." He pormised. But I didnt believe it. I just wanted 2 watch Da Ring nd overdosse with aspirin and pot.

Kurosawa: Is that even possible?

Yukari: Eh, you can overdose on pretty much anything.

I storted to sing How Could This Happen 2 Me by smipple plan.

Yukari: The whiny bitch is listening to a whiny song… I think I'm going to choke on the self-pity.

Ed weeped and weeped (a/n if u dont luv sensiteve guyz den fukk off!)

Kurosawa: Don't.

Yukari: +returns dildo to purse+ You're so boooooooring….

nd I fell asleep having nitemares abot prepz and babiez.

Kurosawa: I had a nightmare once. I had to pilot a giant Kimura mecha in order to kill a giant, orange-yellow, oval cat… thing.

Yukari: Meh, that's a typical Tuesday for me.

XXXXXXXXXXX END CHAPTER 5 XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

lol I BET U DINT EXPECT DAT WELL U WILL HAVE 2 WATE ND C WAT HAPPENZ.

Kurosawa: I'm happy not knowing what happens next, thanks.

Chapter 7 - da best damn thing

Yukari: Valhalla?

a/n: FLAMMERZ BAK OFF. GOTHZ FANX 4 DA GUD REVIOWS.

Yukari: No self-respecting Goth would think this is good.

Kurosawa: Unless they're self-destructive.

Yukari: … You have a point...

sorry dat i tuk so lung 2 updatt! ok i waz lissening 2 lenkin park nd i storted 2 ovrdose on pot, crak, maryajana nd koke.

Yukari: Pfffft, lightweight.

Kurosawa: I'm really going to have to get around to scheduling an intervention for you.

and i had 2 go 2 da hoospital for a week lol.

Kurosawa: So… You think going to the hospital for a week is a reason to 'lol?' What the fuck is wrong with you!?

Yukari: You're implying she's telling the truth

Kurosawa: Ah… Right...

CHAPTER 7

The next day I woke up in the morning and opened my icy topaz eyes. I was covered in blood. Der was blood all over my bed.

Both: Obviously.

My rists had started cutting during the night while I was having nightmares.

Yukari: They cut themselves while you were having nightmares?

I moaned smexily

Yukari: A pox upon your house!

and got in the shower nd all da blood went down the drain all swirly nd stuff like in the movie "Pycho" (geddit lik part of mi name, btw if u dnt lik gorey moves lik dat den FUK OFF!).

Yukari: … I'm conflicted. I like lots of blood in my movies, and yet I want to fuck off…

I had got sent the unform for fukking Mount Saint Preps Adacemy in the mail and I put it on suicidally. It was prep-pink with purple plaid and the skirt was realli long.

Kurosawa: What's wrong with modesty?

I got a knife and cut the skirt and made it really short.

Yukari: Whore.

I also got a black sharppie and made the whole thing blak.

Kurosawa: I'm surprised she didn't pass out from the fumes.

Yukari: Well, maybe the author did this in real life.

Kurosawa: So she's got brain damage?

Yukari: If she didn't before, she does now.

I put a bunch of MCR pins on it and sum safety pins.

Kurosawa: "Because contracting tetanus is fun!"

I made a bunch of rips in the shirt where my bobs go

Kurosawa: Her… Bobs?

and you could see my lazy blak bra.

Kurosawa: Enjoy your saggy breasts twenty years down the road.

I put up my long strait blak hair in a messy thing with spikes all shooting out and put on red ishadow with blak glitter in it

Yukari: 'ishadow?' It sounds like Apple's doomsday machine.

When I got 2 school there were a million prepz there

Kurosawa: +whistles+ That's a whole lotta' people….

and I started tu cry gothically and give them the middle finger.

Kurosawa: "Gee, what's her problem, Sally?"

Yukari: "I dunno, Jane. Let's just keep walking."

Plus I remembed that I was pregnant and I screaming and all the stupid preps got scared and

Yukari: "They said, 'you're moving in with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air.'"

ran to tell the teachers who all wore pink.

Kurosawa: What's wrong with pink? Our students wear pink, and they don't seem to mind.

Yukari: The male students mind. Granted, it's because I'm forcing them into the female uniform, but still!

Kurosawa: … Why haven't I reported you to the school board yet?

Yukari: Because I'm fucking awesome, that's why!

But they were all crowded arond some1 and gasping with orgasm and bewildedfulness.

Yukari: So… Kimura?

Kurosawa: Kimura.

I pushed through them giving them all dirty looks and saw who they were staring at. It waz. . ... Edword!

"OMGOD

Kurosawa: Whatever happened to being an athi- sorry, a really shitty atheist?

WTFRU!111 DOING HERE?!" I shooted

Kurosawa: _Not. Cool. _

jumping into hir arms.

Yukari: _Oh my god… It's a hermaphrodite!_

All the teacherz got scared

Yukari: It has a _penis AND _a _vagina! _That is _not _normal!

and ran away and kept looking at his beauty from the distance.

Yukari: Oh Kimura, you and your antics!

"Bby I just couldn't keep going to that skool without you. So I transferred here. That skool is just full of prepz now."

Kurosawa: Because your old school was full of 'preps,' you transfer to your girlfriend's school… A school called Mount Saint Preps? Just… Really? Really?

He storted to sing "You Know Whot They Do 2 Guys Like Us In Pirson" to me and I loved him.

Yukari: Ah, prison rape. Isn't it so romantic?

I knew that he would alwez be there for me.

Kurosawa: "Until I want to force some more 'drama' into this fic!"

"Byt he way Twi, ur not pregg." I couldn't beleive it! He told me that he had gotten me tested and I wasn't going to have a baby.

Kurosawa: Oooooooookay then…

Yukari: That's… Actually, that's sorta' creepy.

"I'm so glad lol." I was crying with joy. We ditched skool and dropped out. We smoked drugs and alcolol outside

Yukari: You learned how to smoke alcohol? +Bows+ Teach me, master!

and the prepz wished they were as cool as us.

Kurosawa: I highly doubt that.

Yukari: Yeah, they're obviously jealous that they can _smoke alcohol!_

Things were getting back to the good way that they used to be and.

Kurosawa: Forgive me, but I can't see how being in a somewhat abusive relationship is a good thing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END CHAP 7XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

ok sorri it wuz so shortt, im still in rehab from da incidenx so i need 2 get better 2 rite more of da good stuff LOL bye.

Yukari: Rehab is for pussies. Break out, snort crystal meth, and storm the trenches.

Chapter 8 - Tila meets a new alley

Kurosawa: "Hi, alley!"

Yukari: "Hi, Sue!"

a/n: OKSU GUYZ PREPSTOP FLARMING! siruisly if u fink mi grammer iZ BAD DEN FUKK U BITCH!

Yukari: You poor imbecile.

DIS TORY IS GONG 2 MAK ME FAMOOSE SUM DAY ND IT WILL B SOLD IN LIBARIES OK SO WNH I AM A MELLONAIR U BITCHEZ KAN CUM CLAWRING 2 ME ND I WILL SAY FUKK U OK!

Kurosawa: Your story… Is going to be sold… In libraries… +Laughs maniacally+

Yukari: God damnit fic, you broke Kurosawa!

disclainer: btw, TWILIGT does not belung 2 me, it is by serpantie millerz, ok she wunt su me now.

Kurosawa: She couldn't give a rat's ass about your bloody shitfic!

Yukari: Unless she was intending on suing this author over the defilement of her work.

PLZ ENJOY GOTHEZ, DANX FOR DA GUD COMMENX. i am out of rebab soo i will b able 2 updat more arugato! OH ND fanx 2 Rodriga for helping me wif da spanish! U WILL C WHAT I MEAN LOL x666x

Both: +gulp+

CHAPTER 8

"Twila . . . . . . . . . ."

I kicked and whismered in my sleep as da voice got louder and louder. I was sleeping in bed with Edward, but I don't think he heard it because he didn't say he heard it. Plus he was sleeping.

Yukari: Of course he didn't hear it, you fuckwit! He's _asleep!_

"TWILA, TILA!" said the voice screamingly. It sounded like an ugly old man, or it sounded like Midnite.

Kurosawa: That's certainly a nice comparison.

I wazn't realli sure. I opened my eyes, which were like endless pools of beautiyful topaz.

Kurosawa: For someone who seems to hate herself, she tries to accentuate her positives.

I looked around in the dark, but since I was a vampir I could see in the dark (a/n vampirs can see in the dark).

Yukari: Hey look! It's Captain Obvious!

I saw Ed next to me. His bornze hair was messy and sexah nd his pale skin glowed in the dark. He was silently singing "Da Hell Song" by sum-42 in his sleep.

+There is a brilliant flash of light as OXYCODONEFROG teleports in+

OXYCODONEFROG: NO. NO. YOU DO NOT SOIL THE GOOD NAME OF THE HELL SONG. BY THE POWERS INVESTED IN ME, I SWEAR THAT I WILL EVISCERATE YOU, CLIMB INTO YOUR CORPSE, AND WEAR IT AS A SUIT!

+OXYCODONEFROG teleports away+

Kurosawa: … Moving on...

"Hoes there?" I crapped poisonally.

Yukari: I bet you did. After all, your steady diet of Cheetos and disappointment can't be too easy on a person's gut.

My long black hair whipped around me as I turned back and forth at da speed of light.

Yukari: "I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth!"

I didn't c anyone there so I was fukking confused.

Yukari: Diagnosis, Dr. Kurosawa?

Kurosawa: Paranoid and/or disorganized schizophrenia.

I had on a silver nitegown with black linning, and blak lace all around da boobs. I was wearing blak stilettos nd had on tons of eyeliner that I had made cat eyes out of.

Kurosawa: Why'd you wear makeup to bed?

Yukari: I do it all the time!

Kurosawa: Really?

Yukari: Yeah, video game marathons and benders can really tire a person out.

Then the voice contunued to shout, "Cum to me Tila Beautifu Psyco Topaz Cullen. OPEN UR EYES TILA TEQUALA

Yukari: +shuts her eyes+ Fuck you, I'm not going to do what you tell me~!

FOR IT IS ME!"

Kurosawa: "Me who?"

Yukari: "Don't get cute."

"WHAT?!"! I shooted. "OK STOP FUKING AROND, WHO DA HELL IS ME?"

Yukari: "Me. That's my name; Me. Insensitive bitch..."

Then I looked next to my bed and saw hu was standing ther! It was

Kurosawa: A homicidal maniac?

Yukari: Chuck Norris?

. .. ... A MAN!

Yukari: Well… Meh, good enough! C'mon Chuck, knock her block off!

Kurosawa: Does anybody even talk like that anymore?

Yukari: Fuck you, Kurosawa! _Peanuts _was awesome!

"What r u doing u effing pervert." I giggled foriously. "U now dat izn ot aportionate to b in a toung girlz rom?"

Yukari: "Well, yes, but you're a whore; it doesn't count."

Kurosawa: "You got me there."

"Hahahaa. Si, but I c dat you are lovers wif mi enemios." He said in Spanish.

Yukari: Let me guess... Another Taco Bell reject?

Suddenly Ed woke up and growled all ruff nd tuff. He shined his gloriosus teeth in the mans face nd he was temporerily blinded for life.

Kurosawa: He was temporarily blinded… for life?

Yukari: Well, maybe Ed's going to do something badass like eviscerating this fool.

"MY EYES!" the ugly man shotted. So I was right, it was an ugly man. I got out of bed seducingly taking off my cloths.

Kurosawa: Wait, what?

Yukari: You're a fucking retard, Sue. He's been _blinded_; he couldn't see your impossibly perfect body even if he wanted to!

Edmard gasped all angry and sensative (a/n lol jealous hot bi guyz r so great)

Kurosawa: Since when was Edward bisexual?

Yukari: Since this fool got ahold of him, apparently.

becauz I was getting naked in front of a strangler.

Kurosawa: Finally! Somebody's having an understandable reaction!

A lot of other stuff happened

Kurosawa: You can't even tell us what happened? … Actually, disregard that; the sooner this story's over, the sooner I'll regain my sanity.

and den we found out that da mans name was James but becuz he is Spanish they call him like HAmez. We found this out because I bribed him wif my body.

Yukari: Well, he may be blinded, but at least James can still feel the soft flesh of her boobies.

"I dont quero 2 kill tus," he said in spanfish.

Kurosawa: That isn't Spanish!

Yukari: No no, my mentally challenged friend! It's 'Spanfish,' not Spanish.

Kurosawa: It's the same damn thing!

Yukari: No it isn't, you racist fuck!

+catfight ensues+

His parents were killed by vampirs nd he plowed 2 get revenge on humans becuz they didnt help him during his hard time afterwords.

Yukari: So… James' parents were murdered by _vampires_, and he wants to kill the _humans _because they didn't comfort him?

Nd he converted 2 an Atheist Sattanist nd learned Spanish beczu he had to move to da Purto Rico Repoblic 2 do his reserch and stuff.

Kurosawa: For the love of… You can't be an atheist and a satanist at the same time!

Yukari: Indeed. Also, why associate Puerto Rico with the dark arts? Granted, bitches get cut over there and you'll shit out your entire nervous system if you drink the water… Actually, yeah, Puerto Rico is the perfect place to worship Satan.

"I want a kill Tila because. . . . . . .. "

"I udderstand." I said stolenly. "We kan help you wif dat." My hubby said he would do anything 2 make me happy.

"Moo bien." sed Hamez.

Yukari: Pigs don't moo! Cows moo!

"We start 2 plot her death at dawn. Hasta luigi until den."

Yukari: +Starts chanting in tongues+

Kurosawa: What are you doing?

Yukari: The author mentioned Luigi! Luigi = Weegee! I'm attempting to summon the Dread God now! +resumes Ominous Latin Chanting+

Kurosawa: Er… Good luck with that….

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END DIS CHAPTER XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

OK I INDUCED A NEW CRAKTER. PLZ MAK SURE UR KEPPING UP IF U WANT 2 KEEP READING, DIS STORI HAS A LOT MORE CHAPPERS PLANNED OKTHAX.

Yukari: SQUADALA! WE'RE OFF! ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US! I CAN HAZ CHEEZBURGER!? IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND! WHAT THE FUC- BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! DOUBLE RAINBOW ALL THE WAY! SHAZAM!

Kurosawa: You do realize that Weegee doesn't exist, right?

+Yukari turns into Weegee; stares at Kurosawa+

+Kurosawa turns into Weegee; stares into your soul+

+You turn into Weegee+

Chapter 9 - Betrayal, u will c what happens tho

Yukari: +Reverts back to normal+ That. Was. AWESOME.

Kurosawa: +Reverts back to normal+ No. It wasn't.

a/n: OMG SOZ I TOOK SO LUNG 2 UPDATE. i kant realli say why but if u want tu know den msg me nd i'll tell u dat i had an emegency nd almost died from sallowing 5 bottles of aspirin lol.

Kurosawa: +Facepalm+ You aren't using LOL correctly.

Yukari: Agreed; it should be lulz.

LOL GUEZZ WHAT, TU ALL OF U PPL WHO SAY DAT IM DUMB, MI PSYCOLGY TEACHER TOLD ME 2 IGNORE U

Yukari: But psychology teachers are morons!

becuz ur just playing mind gamez 2 tri to make me fell bad abot miself.

Yukari: But your story is bad, and you should feel bad!

i am not da losser in dis situaton!

Yukari: Except that you are.

neway PREEPS STOP FLAMONG, gothz tanx for da good stuff, MCR ROX!11 666

CHAPTER 9

Recap from Chapta 8:

Kurosawa: We don't need a bloody recap!

Yukari: You're a gym teacher; with you, it's in one ear and out the other.

Kurosawa: +Glares at Yukari+

I want to kill Bella becuz ..."

Kurosawa: "She has no personality."

Yukari: "She's married to Edward in canon; how DARE she steal my husband!"

"We kan help u wif dat." I said sexily.

"Muy bean." (C IS DAT SPELLED WRUNG.)

Both: Yes.

"I'll c u at dawn"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When I woke up again that morning I was ready to kill Bella. It was dawn and Hamez had packed all of da supplies for killing.

Yukari: "Knives?"  
Kurosawa: "Check."

Yukari: "Guns?"

Kurosawa: "Check."

Yukari: "Shovel?"

Kurosawa: "Check."

Yukari: "Cocaine and twinkies?"

Kurosawa: "You even need to ask?"

Eddie woke up and opened his eyez which were the same as mine.

Yukari: Are you related to the Grey Ladies?

We put on our makeup (he had on white foundation, black eyeliner, and dis fake blood stuff that goes on ur face. i had on purple eyeshadow, lots of blakk, and drak lipstick.) Hamez tried to watch us get dressed but I told him that if he didn't fuck off I wouldn't help him kill that little bytch.

So I didn't go 2 school but the preppy prinzipal was too scared to call nd ask why.

Kurosawa: Or maybe he didn't call because it isn't his job to micromanage his students?

Ed didn't go eiver. I suddenly remebered Midnite and knew she would want 2 be involved too but she was on her honeymoon with Jaspa who I had told to love her or else I waz never gong to talk to him agen.

While we were leaving secretely to Bella's house, I got sad becuase Ed and I didn't have a honeymoon. I started to cut my rists

Kurosawa: You don't have to mutilate yourself just because you haven't had a honeymoon yet!

a little on da way there and I saw dat Ed looked worried.

When we got there Hamez borke into the house and we went upstares to Bella's room. The whole thing was pink nd it reminded me of Roslyn's room. I storted 2 cry all hot and angsty because that's where I had caught her with my husband. I cut my rists some more but Hamez said "Shhh, we can't let her no we are at her casa."

Yukari: "She will heer yoo slicing your wrists, senorita."

She was sleeping all preppy

Kurosawa: How does a person sleep 'all preppy,' anyway?

Yukari: They just do?

nd there were posters of Ed on her walls. I ran over and tore them down wif my long, black nails. She was dreaming abot Ed and he started to get angry becuz he hated her. "Ok are u ready?" Hamez whimpered. "Here Tila you can take this sword. Eddie kan have the needle, itz full of cyanide." Well I was sad becuz I had alwez wanted to inject myself but I didn't say neithing because I knew they wuldnt understend.

Kurosawa: Neither do we. Seriously, I don't get why you want to kill yourself. There isn't any real reason, contrived or not.

I storted to cry tears of blood and Ed gasped and started crying also with me.

Yukari: That's it, your Man Card is revoked!

"Don't tell me . . . . ." he screamed wif depths of depression and pain in his voice. "Dat ur SAD shes going 2 die?"

Yukari: "Of course not! I'm a Sue, remember? We don't have consciousness!"

"No you fukking retard.

Yukari: Called it.

I'm sad because there are so many things dat I want in life but evry1 only cares about my bodi!"

Yukari: It's aaaaaaaaalllllll about you, isn't it?

"It's not ur fault that u'r beautiful."

Kurosawa: "We can fix this by setting you on fire and scarring you for life!"

He cried sexily hugging me. Hamez got scared becuz we were being loud but Beela didn't wak up. Suddenly we killed her.

Yukari: … _What. _There… But… The blood… _WHERE IS THE MOTHERFUCKING BLOOD!? I WANT TO SEE GUTS EXPLODING AGAINST THE WALL AND BLOOD SPURTING UP THIRTY YARDS IN THE AIR!_

"Thank satan she's gone." we all said in unicorn.

Kurosawa: Satan? Unicorns? Even though you're an ath- … Oh. OH. Right. Trollfic.

Her body disintergrated into her bed which was all wet with blood.

Yukari: Dead bodies don't work that way!

We ate her bed so there would be no evidenze

Kurosawa: "Pagh! I think I got a feather stuck in between my teeth!"

Yukari: "Lucky; my tongue got cut by a spring."

(lol geddit like evinezenze.)

And left before her mom could wake up.

Kurosawa: Esme doesn't live with Bella! It's her dad, Charlie!

Yukari: You've read _Twilight_?

Kurosawa: Yep.

When we got to da door there was someone blocking it suicidally.

Yukari: "Leave me alone! I just want to hang myself in peace!"

"CARLIZ?" we all scremed at once. "Yes I can't take it anemore." he said breathing all crazy.

Kurosawa: "Canon rape, Mary Sues, plot threads that don't go anywhere… It's driven me insane!"

He was looking at me! Edward put his hand around me like protection. "Why are u here dad? GET OUT." His eyes started 2 rage.

"I'm here to take Tqila. I am gong to make her my bride. And we will live in da darkness forevamore hahaha!"

Kurosawa: "But she's my wife! And you're already married!"

Yukari: "I don't care!"

he laughed evilly in a gothic voice that I suddenly realized was sexy. Then I sterted to think.

Kurosawa: IT'S THE END OF TIME!

Yukari: WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

"Wait now." I kommanded when Ed was about to kill Calile. DARKNEZZ FOREVERMORE? I thought beginning to have a mind change. "Mebe that would be good for me you know?

Yukari: Yes. Yes, it would. We wouldn't have to hear from you or see you ever again.

Because I need a vampir who can kepp me gothikally satisfied nd stuff."

Kurosawa: Why is it that just when I think the Sue can't get any more superficial, she proves me wrong?

Yukari: Because she hates you; just like everyone else in the world.

EDWARD WAS HEARTBORKEN.

Kurosawa: Well, you ARE leaving him for his dad. I can understand why Ed is upset.

He satired to scream at the top of his lungs as black venemoos blood poured out of him. When a vampere gets ejected by da person that they truly love, there body storts to spazz all explosing like.

Kurosawa: Vampires have a self-destruct button? That's useful.

I was misterious so I didn't let you know what was gong on in my thoughts lol.

Yukari: Come now, Sue; we all know you don't have any thoughts.

"Yeh dat sounds like a plain." I said sullenly joyfully

Yukari: Those words don't work like that.

to Carlise. He was surmised that someone like me would want to be with him. Everyone in the room screamed in surprise. "Plz plz just tell me what I did to make you want do leave me." said Ed having an ellipictic sezre on the floor.

Kurosawa: One: He doesn't have epilepsy, so he can't have an epileptic seizure. Two: I don't think people are capable of normal speech if they're seizing.

But I didn't say anything still even though he was crying all too sensitive.

"Ok." I finally gasped at Hamez. "Please just go along wif this. You'll see da true intestions of my plan soon." And I made him take Ed away. And then I went with Carl who was like

Yukari: "So, what's this plan of yours?"

Kurosawa: "Did I say that out loud? Damn."

"I'm so glad that u've made such a good choice," cackling all satanikally. We went 2 his house (STFU WE DIDNT EVEN DO ANTHING YET U FREAKIN PERVS.)

Yukari: Notice the 'yet.'

And I knew what I had to do.

Yukari: Become An Hero?

Kurosawa: Eat da poo-poo?

Yukari: Microwave your dinner?

Kurosawa: Walk the dog?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END CHAPP 9 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chapter 10 - Visionz of da antikrost

a/n: ok guyz, i no u hav all binwaden 4 mi updats butt i waz on tour wif FALLOUTBOYY

Yukari: And I'm Santa Claus. Merry fucking Christmas.

becuz dey red mi story nd invited me 2 come wif them nd it wa relly kool!111

Kurosawa: It's so nice of them to make a mentally retarded person's dream come true.

YAH B JELOOZ! OK MCR AND FLLOUTBOYS ROCK! 666!

CHAPTER 10

"So kan u plez tell me for why u decided 2 grace me with ur presenze." said Carli smiling. I noticed how sexah he looked wif his violet contacts in. He loked like an older, hotter vision of Edward and Pete Wints.

Yukari: Who?

Kurosawa: Do you mean Edward or Pete Wints?

Yukari: Both.

He was werring blak eyelinear that was gong down his face from da last time he cryed.

Kurosawa: It must've been rough for him, what with breaking up with his six year old girlfriend and all.

"Ur son has taken advantege of me to many times." I growled staring at him all gothik.

Kurosawa: How?

Soddenly my vision when blak nd all I could c was blakness.

Yukari: Well, dearie, you see black when your vision goes black.

i screAMED AND SCREMED becauz idid nt know what was happiening.

Both: Us too.

Then I saw a vision of da antikrist nd i laughed dark and suicidally.

"Twila, I just read youre mind." shouted Calisi. No i said "becuse I just saw da anticirst?"

"Yes, my tru form is Satan." He describd. "Dat was me gonig into your thoghts and I saw the tru reazon why u came here with me."

"Let me just tell u." I said sobbing becuz he had figered me out. "I kame here becuz... . . . .."

"Because you wanted to make Edwat jealos." He said and I storted to cry. "How did u know?" I asked all deprezzed. He sed, "Becauz i just rad your mind"

Kurosawa: "Jeez, you really need to start listening to people when they're talking to you."

Then all suddenly somebody knocked on Carlo's door. He lokked at me sadly nd opened da door and some gurl I didn't know jumped in.

Yukari: Ack! It's his loli waifu!

"What is dis. Why r u here?" we both asked the girl. She was realli ugly and twolve yerz old nd was wearing a pink Kelly Klorkson shirt nd had frizzie blond hair nd an ugly face. "HAI GUYS MI NAME IS FIONA!" she scremed giggling nd walked into the house but Carlisa pushed her back out. "But u kan call me FIONAFIONA32."

+Crickets chirp+

Kurosawa: … That's just _low..._

"Ew get da fukk out of here!" I shooted. "OMGZ ur such a prep." Me and Calri were both disgosted nd suddenly Edwoard appeared and bit her neck nd she stated to screm and bleed. I was sobbing becuz bleeding waz my gratest desire but my doktor sed if i cut miself anymroe I would die nd Edard would be sad.

Kurosawa: Even though you don't care about him anymore. Or so you say, anyway.

Anyway, Fona died on the flor and her body shirveled up and rotted away.

Yukari: Seriously, how do you not know how a dead body works!?

Edward came in and got in a stand-off wiv his dad.

"Plz plz stop." I said still crying. They were both killing each other nd their makup waz running down the faces. "I'm soz Ed. I didn't mean 2 hurt you I just wanted you to be jealuz. I doon't want to be with ur dad, kan u please take me home."

Edward was so relived but Carlise was crying angrily and he storted to transform. "NO!11" he yelled. "Nobody kan reject Satan. DO U HEAR ME TILA, I AM STAN!1"

Yukari: "Fear me, for I am Stan, destroyer of universes!"

"Yah I know." I said roling my eyez. But he kame running at me and I kicked him and he feel over moaning.

Kurosawa: And now the Sue can beat a major deity!?

Me and Ed left him there and walked out helding handz while "Thnx fr da MEMRS" played in the bakkground (a/n FAGG OT BOY FUKKING ROKKS!1 IF U DUNT LIK DEM THEN GO KILL URSELF FUKK U!

Kurosawa: I don't feel like killing myself, so no, thanks.

FALLOT BOY 4EVA). I had an invasion in my head

Yukari: HOORAY! The aliens are going to kill her!

sudenly while we where walking of da Antikrist saying "This is not over Twila, this weil never be over. Bitch" But I blooked it out becuz I knew I was stronger dan him.

Kurosawa: Well, seeing as how you _beat the shit out of the Devil_, I'd say that your claim is accurate.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END CHAP10 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chapter 11 - The misteriouz pakt

Yukari: Please tell me it's a suicide pact...

a/n: HAM EVRY1 ITZ BEEN 4EVAR!1 my mom trid to make me wear a drezz n i had a tanttrum n brok da computer n slit muh ritz.

Yukari: You broke your computer. You mutilated yourself. Just. Because. Your mother. Made. You. Wear. A. _**DRESS!?**_

but no we got a new one lolz?

Kurosawa: And your parents let you use it after you broke the last one?

neway TONX FOR DA REVEWS WHILE I WAZ GONE, FUKK ALL U PREPS WHO HATE MI STORI! I SWERE ILL GET SATAN TO KILL U IN UR SLEEP U FUKKING POZERS!

Yukari: You can try.

666 XXX MCR STILL ROX!11 XXX

CHAPTER 11

The next day I was walking 2 Hot Tonic wif Edward. When suddenly out of nowhere Hamez appered out of da blue.

Kurosawa:

"Hi," we said gothically. But he looked very angery for some raisin.

Kurosawa: "All those raisins being thrown out..."

"Would you mind if I killed you," he storted to sing from dat song by Withen Temptortion. "OMG STOP!111" Edward screamed jumping in front of me. I was so confuzed becuz I did nut know what was going on. Then I realized Hamez was trying to kill us.

"Why would u do such a thing you- you sick dirtbag!"

Yukari: Meh, that insult fell flat.

I cried wearing a long black satan skirt wif black leather boots and a ripped fishnet ponchu over a black velvet bra with red skullz. Mi makup was ruining down my pale pale face. BECUZ I WAS WEEPIGN.

Yukari: Hey, thanks for reminding us of something you said earlier in the paragraph!

"Now that Bellar is dead I don't ned your help." Hamez said as he also sobbed. "I don't want 2 do this but I have to. I'm afroid that . . . . . . . . . . . ."

Kurosawa: "Wal-Mart has a 50% off sale on the _cutest _swimsuits!"

"I DARE U TO FINNISH THAT SENTENCE." Edmond muttered at the top of his lungz. He turned into a bat and flew at Hamez but Victor leaped in front of him.

Kurosawa: Who the hell is Victor?

Yukari: Wasn't that the goat from Ed, Edd, and Eddy?

"Who are you?!" we all screamed exempt Hamez becuz she was his gf.

Yukari: So what you're saying is that a goat and a Mexican are in a romantic relationship?

Kurosawa: That is so wrong...

Yukari: Yeah, everybody knows its the Arabs who fuck goats, not the Mexicans!

Kurosawa: ... You really are a terrible person...

Yukari: Blow me!

She had jumped out of da trees. Then we decided 2 make up because we had no reason to fight (A/N maybe later u will find out what hamez was goona say be4 lolol.)

Vikroya was wearing a realli sexah outfit and Edward saw me looking at her and got realli jealouuz. He storted 2 make out wif Hamez to get bakk at me.

Kurosawa: Oh yes, because making out with a guy is a perfectly acceptable way of getting back at your wife!

"Oh no WHAT HAVE U DONE, OMG YOU FREAKING ARSE." Vikky shooted at my busband. "You just entered da pakt with Hamez." That was when we found out dat whenever someone kissez Hamez they get binded to him for da rest of eternity. "WTF that's so random."

Yukari: No, that isn't random; it's entropic.

I laffed satanically. Edward looked realli scarered but I just said "It's okay, I like bi guyz so you can be with him too."

Kurosawa: "But I don't wanna!"

Yukari: "God damnit Edward, you are going to be bound to Hamez for the rest of eternity and you're going to like it!"

Vikky disappered becuz she was mad that Edward stole her boyfreend. Then me, Edward and Hamez had to preform a special marriage cermoney for the 3 of us to all be together. We all wore lots of black.

Both: +groan+

Yukari: Seriously, take some fucking Zoloft or something.

"That is all." said Hamez looking at me flirty. "Now we have 2 seal the pact by dranking sum blood."

Yukari: "If you know what I mean, nyuck nyuck nyuck!"

We all had an orgay

Yukari: ... Sometimes I hate it when I'm right.

nd went out to hunt. We found a whorewolf

Kurosawa: +snerk+ Okay, there is no way in hell that that was unintentional.

und were about 2 kill it when I relized it was Jakob. He changed back into a person and I gasped. His long blak hair had purple and silver streakz in it, his skin was ten shads lighter, and he was wering an Alezana tshirt wif tight blak pantz.

Both: ...

Yukari: I can't think of anything to say.

"Omg Jake, um." I said shy and sexy. "Hi u look realli good?"

"Thanx i got a new style" he said and looked at all of us. "Since you killed my dad I got real hordcore. Hey guyz can I join ur pakt."

Kurosawa: "Fucking old man, providing for me and loving me unconditionally and shit..."

We had a sekret goffic huddle

Kurosawa: ... Why am I imagining them as football players?

nd thout about it but they got angry and said no. Jakob storted to cry becuz we had killed his dad and now we owed him. But Vikatora rolled her eyez, "Yea thatz karma" she pissed.

Yukari: But... But what'd he ever do to you!? I can't think of any reason for karma to screw him over like this!

But then he turned back in2 a wolf and tried to attack us. I turned into a bat and flew out of tha way but Hamez waz too slow. I screamed suicidally as Jakabob was about to tear apart Hamz who suddenly shooted "IF I DIE THEN U ALL DIE, REMEMBER DA PAKT WE ARE TOGETHER 4 EVER." We were all horrorfied at dis.

Kurosawa: "I thought you wanted us to mow your lawn!"

So we had to save him but we got all cut up but Edward said "Its okay Twi, you look exy with blood on you."

Yukari: "I'm saying this even though I don't want you to cut yourself!"

So we ran away and Jake got lost in the woods.

Kurosawa: "Um… Hello? Guys? Where'd everybody go? Come on, quit joking around… Guys?"

XXXXXXXXXXXX FIN CHAPTER 11 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chapter 12 - One, PS DIS IZ NOT DA LAST CHAP

Both: DAMNIT!

a/n: ok r u redy 4 more?

Both: No.

becuz sum certain bitch prepz were comploining i got more editars ok!1 GET OVER IT!

Yukari: It's going to take a whole lot of vodka and Robitussin to get over this.

dansk 2 everyon hu lieks it! kep reding LOL GOFFS RULE FOREVER.

Kurosawa: You'd be crucified by any real, self-respecting Goth if they'd heard you say LOL.

CHAPTER 12

Four days past and I relized that I didn't love Edwart anymore.

Yukari: "Guess I'm going to have to spend last weeks paycheck on wart remover…"

I couldn't beleve it miself. I woke up in da morning wif black tearz of deep sorrowfull endless evol depression all crying down mah face.

Yukari: Hey, Sue. Listen to me. Just listen to me. Are you paying attention? Are you listening to me? Listen to me very carefully. Grab some tampons, drink some cranberry juice, and call your gynecologist as soon as possible; you're menstruating.

I put on some Metalika musik nd cut rist.

Kurosawa: Of course you did, sweetie.

"Twila are u in there?" someone whimpered from outside my room. I gasped. It sounded like Ed. But I just turned up the song and sang allong 2 it, screming "HOLD MI BREATH AS I WISH 4 DETH, OH PLEASE SATAN, WAKE ME" (a/n arent dose lyricz so menengful.)

Kurosawa: … _How?_ How does 'hold my breath as I wish for death/oh please Satan/wake me' hold any meaning other than being utterly pretentious?

"OH FUKKIN SATAN NO WHAT R U DOING IN THAR!1111"

Yukari: "I'm wanking, you moron!"

Edward exploded

Both: Hooray!

crying becaus he knew what this meant.

Yukari: "Release the Rancor!"

He knew that I didn't want to c him because I had fallen out of love.

"Darkness imprizoning me," I wept sadly. "All that I see- absulote HORROR I KANNOT LIVE- I KANNOT DIE!"

Both: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-!

Sullenly the door broke down

Kurosawa: "Why won't you give me a fresh coat of paint? _WHY!?_"

and a bunch of people kame in. It waz all da Cullens who were still alive n Jake (he had found hiz way out of da woods).

Yukari: "Screw you guys! You thought I'd die in the woods, but you didn't count on me becoming a bear's love slave!"

They all storted to pin my hot body down so I could nut move.

Kurosawa: They're molesting her again?

Yukari: "Good heavens! Just look at the time! Why, I do believe that it is time to rape this fair maiden!"

"WTF ARE YOU DOING ASSHOLES." I shrieked. My rists were bleding everywhere.

Kurosawa: Ugh...

"NOW THE WORLD IS GONE ND I'M JUST ONE, OH SATAN HELP ME."

Yukari: "Fuck off, bitch; I want nothing to do with you!"

Kurosawa: "Sir, you do realize that she's going to join us if she dies, right?"

Yukari: "SON OF A BITCH!"

They turned off da musik nd I fainted. "You can't do this Twi." They looked all serious. "Remember the pakt is that if you die, we all die." I woke up and asked "Yeah. But isn't the pakt just me Ed Hamez and Victory. What's gong on?"

"We all entered da pakt by making out wif Hamez." They said nodding. I gasped again. "And Twila, u can't deny ur felines for Ed."

Yukari: Meow.

Kurosawa: Meow?

Yukari: Meow meow.

Kurosawa: Meow meow meow? Meow meow!

Yukari: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT MY WEIGHT!? +slugs Kurosawa+

"I know lol," I promised. "I fink it was just a fase I just went thru."

Kurosawa: If only… If only…

But then Carloyle stepped forward looking at me all weird. "Nu," he laughed darkly.

Kurosawa: Nu.

Yukari: Nu nu.

Kurosawa: Nu nu nu!

Yukari: Nu nu?

Kurosawa: +puts Yukari into a headlock+ Tha' fuck you say, Willis!?

Yukari: Your… Armpits… Smell like roadkill…

Kurosawa: … You know what? No. You know what? I'm going to give you a dose of your own medicine. +proceeds to molest Yukari+

Yukari: H-hey, at least buy me dinner first!

+CENSORED+

Yukari: … I'm huuuuuuuungryyyyyyyyyyyy, Nyyyyyaaaaamoooooooo…

"I told u it wasn't over Twila Beautiful Psycho Topaz Sad'ness Damian Cullen. I was trying to make you not love my son wif my powerz so you would kome back to me."

"Well letz celebrate." Jake screamed. "Twila doesn't want you Carl. You need to get over it."

Yukari: "Y'all jelly, 'cuz mah name's Carl!"

"You really seem to understnad me?" Carlisse froned confusedly at Jake. "No one has ever realli understood me."

Kurosawa: "Except for my wife. And my loli girlfriends/mistresses. And my adopted children."

So we all went to Vegass and had a party and came back to Washerton. Carlile and Jake got marred there. Then Jake died sadly in an axident so Carliel got remared to Esmie.

Kurosawa: "I don't know why I keep taking you back…"

Yukari: "Because I'm awesome in the sack?"

"Twila this place isn't safe." Edward told me that nite. "Did u see what happened to Jake, we need to go someplace safer. I know a safe place for vampirs it's called Black Cavern of Bloody Despair."

Kurosawa: You mean Yukari's bedroom?

"Den letz leave at dawn." I said staring at him deeply wif my eyes. "We kan start a new goffic life."

"Okay he said."

xXxXxXxXxXxXxX END xXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Chapter 13 - deathz

Yukari: People are going to die? Really? You'd better not be fucking around here, author! I want to see lots and lots of deaths!

A/N: i will sat it agan I AM NOT TARA GLESBIE.

Kurosawa: No, you are a troll; as was Tara.

if u fukters think im her ur WRUNG. nd i dont need ne gramamar lezzonz ok ppl.

Kurosawa: The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

I HOPE STAN KILLZ ALL U FLAMMERS IN UR SLEEP!

Yukari: What, is the Devil your personal army or something?

fangzez 4 de revevs! u rok! o and thanx 2 xoxblakxspanishxrosexox 4 helpin wit da spaniish!

CHAPTER 13

I woke up the next mourning (geddit cuz goffz mourn stuff lol)

Yukari: Die in a fire.

in Edwad's arms. I asked were wer were going and he reminded me that it waz Black Kavern of Bloody Despair. "O yeah," I snofjejd.

Kurosawa: You… What?

Yukari: What is this I don't even-

When we got to the place it was covered in goffik desines. It was in the middle of Washintong of which noone had evar been to (c i can rite prooperly).

Yukari: Stop it troll; you're being obvious.

The opening to da cavern was all dark and scray but I was nut scared becuz I'm goff and were used to dat kinda fing. We turnd in2 batz and flew insid nd saw a looong passegway.

Yukari: Long Cat is looooooooooong.

We flew there.

Kurosawa: "Damn Taco Bell!"

At the end I saw sumone... farmer liar. It wuz... . . . . ... ... . . . . . . . . . . . . . HAMZ!

"OH MY SATAN" I scromed. "HOW DID U GET HERE U LITTLE BASTERT?"

"Yo no kreo dis." He said spanishly. His eyez glowed in the dark. "U try to eskape from me butt you r muy stupedo."

"NO!1111"

Suddenly Hamez storted foamming at da mouth. Befor me and Ed could do nething, he chraged foward and stuck his claws in us. We died.

Both: …

Yukari: … Is this… Is this the end?

Kurosawa: I… I think so…

Yukari: So… She's really dead?

Kurosawa: Apparently.

Both: … PARTY HARD!

+impromptu rave party commences+

"Are we dead?" Ed said crying as blak maskara ran don his face.

Both: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUU-!

Suddenly we were…

Yukari: EATING A FUCKING KNUCKLE SANDWICH, BITCH!

"GHOST VAMPIRS!111" I shooted.

Both: +facepalm+

"OMG HAMZ U TURND US INTO GHOST VAMPIZ WTF?"

Kurosawa: "

And then a hunderd other peoplez were there.

Yukari: And then a skeleton popped out! The end!

"Why r all these ppl sodenly also dead?" we whimpered.

"We were all in the pakt, secrtly." they said all ghosty. "Hemez made oot with all of us" (a/n hez a slut lololl iznt dat soo hot).

Kurosawa: No. It's repulsive.

Yukari: See, that's your problem, Kurosawa: You're too uptight. C'mon! Relax! Show some cleavage!

Kurosawa: Do I have to molest you again?

Yukari: … Save it for Friday night, okay?

"Lizten Twila!" Edward insisited. "Do u know what dis menz?"

Kurosawa: Another stupid plot point?

"Fuk you." I said all angry becos obviosly I didn ot.

Kurosawa: Er… I'm just going to assume you said 'didn't know.' Well, what a surprise!

So he explanned "This is what we wanted allolong. To die, becuz life is just painful deprezzion and suffering, itz just one damn thing after anothea."

Kurosawa: It's also having the strength to pick yourself up and face another day.

"That's true..." I filled my eyez with tears.

Kurosawa: Liar!

"Everythin will b so much better now."

Yukari: "Wait, can ghosts even have sex?"

Kurosawa: "I… Probably should've thought of that beforehand."

"SILENCIO!1" Hamez interbopted. The cavern shok wif his rage. "How dare u be happy?

Yukari: Bugger off.

You- FOOLS!" He rised up in the air menencingely. All these blak stuff kame swirling arond him and all the other ghostz that got killed becoz of the pact ran away.

Yukari: The pact ran away? What the? How the? Why the? +groans+ I need a drink...

Hamez yielled, "ALL UR HAPPINESS BELONG 2 ME!"

Yukari: … I know this is a troll, but… _HOW DARE YOU DEFILE ZERO WING!_

"Wait." Ed quietly shooted. "Thatz it isnt it?" I looked at him all confuzed. Suddenly he storted to sing The Horrer Of Our Luv by Lodo.

Kurosawa: How fitting…

"That waz muy bonita." Hamz sniffd. "U truly understnad... all dis time, I just want 2 be happy and loved. Now I kan go 2 hell in peace."

Kurosawa: Yes, because Hell is such a cheerful, loving place.

Yukari:

Then his soul disappered.

"He was jelooz of us lol" i nodded. "Neway letz check out da cavern." So I put on a flowning blak gown with ripz all over it nd a blak corset wif lace, blak hiheelz, red fishnet on mah arms, nd lots of makeup.

Kurosawa: And where did you find this?

Everthin looked even kooler becuz I was a ghost. Edwardz bronze haire had turned blak when he died and now he waz wering a blak MCR tuxido.

"Yes, letz check out ... . .. . . .our new home."

2 BE CONTINUD IN DA NEXT CHAP

LOL I BET U CANT BELIV IT RITE?

Chapter 14 - twila realizez something

Yukari: "Oh God! I'm a shitty self-insert!"

A/N: hey gays lololol! r u redy for omor chapta! i ben working on dis 4 a rilly longtim nd mad sur all de gramma iz gud.

Kurosawa: Nice try, troll.

plus i notisd dat ppl r already makin mouvies outa mi stroy on youtube omfg!

Kurosawa: I hate to break it to you, but… You shouldn't be flattered.

datz so punk rok lol. anthrax for de good revows ok!

Yukari: Go ahead, give everybody anthrax. I've got six months worth of cipro stockpiled under my bedroom floorboards.

MCR ROX 666

CHAPTER 14

After we died, me and Edward stood at the end of the passageway in the Black Cavern of Bloody Dezpair. Then we went. I was extremely exited at the idea of living with more vampz. So I said. "This is so amazing," lol. "Hamez is gone, no more school, plus we can make new friendz. And I got to meet Dita von Trees!" "Yeah" Edward said sobbing. Then ... . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . .

I REALIZED SOMETHING.

2 BE CONTINUED

END OF CHAP 14 X

Ok maybe its a little shrot but de next one will b real fuckin long but Swooney Toad just came on tv so i hav to watch it bye.

Yukari: Swooney Toad. That almost makes this fic worth it. Almost.

/ / /

Both women groaned as the lights went up.

"Well…" Kurosawa muttered, slumping down in her seat. "That was… something else."

Yukari nodded in agreement. "Totally. Well, let's summarize this piece of shit." Yukari started to count off on her fingers. "One; almost every single canon character suffered from the worst case of OOC-itis I've ever seen. I mean, some characters were so bland," Yukari went into a coughing fit that sounded suspiciously like she was saying 'Bella,' "that they literally couldn't be messed up as much."

Kurosawa chimed in. "Three; the author failed to treat heavy issues with respect. I mean, depression is a serious, potentially lethal condition. This story used depression as a means to force drama; it didn't really acknowledge how depression forms. All it did was basically trivialize depression in a failed attempt to be edgy. Four; relationships."

Yukari smirked. "What's this, Nyamo? You've finally developed some insight on why your romantic relationships fail?"

"Not. The. Point." Kurosawa growled. "Anyway, the author didn't seem to understand that dating and marriage are two separate things." The phy-ed teacher sighed. "Its possible, thought, that the author (assuming that they're a troll) was making a subtle statement. That is, so many people these days rush headlong into marriage without taking the time to seriously consider everything that comes along with being married. Without this insight, the marriage will, most likely, fall apart."

"… Take your meds, Kurosawa." Yukari said, mildly nonplussed. "Anything we missed?"

Kurosawa put her chin in her hand, brows furrowed in thought. "Well, there was the author's complete lack of understanding the English language."

Yukari rolled her eyes. "I was being sarcastic, Kurosawa. I just want to get the fuck outta here."

There was a bright flash of light, and the two returned to their homes.

/ / /

Whew…

Okay, this definitely isn't my best work. But hey, I enjoyed writing it. I also believe that, at some point in this fic, you, dear readers, smiled/laughed/etc. That's all that matters to me, really.

Well then… Until next time!


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